I want to make new friends - that's the goal set by over 9,000 people at 43 things. As of today (Dec 20,2007), there are 9,167 people who want to get more friends (within the year 2007). The year has gone already. Well, what are the secrets of getting more friends? How do you attract strangers and keep them as your friends, even make them as your fans?
Photo by .Dianna.
I have been thinking for some time about this. Why some people have large number of friends, and others don't? Some people are considered to be 'NICE', and others are not. I have read the famous book, 'How to win friends and influence people' by Dale Carnegie (Follow the link to read the key points) and I would highly recommend that you read at least once, if you want to make new friends and keep them.
I know within my friend circle, few friends receive plenty of phone calls, they keep in touch with everyone and people enjoy calling them or talking to them. Then, I observed their habits to make a list of tips for myself and you, the readers, on why they are famous among friends.
This would be a growing list and hence I am planning to update often. Feel free to add in your wisdom in the comments section, I will publish them with due credits.
Photo by wili_hybrid
List of MUST DO's:
1. People like good news. So, be a good-news carrier.
2. Smile often - smile or laugh when you can, while you are on the phone. Your friends would actually see you.
3. Share your good stories, even if you got plenty of awful, sorrow experiences to share.
4. Appreciate a good quality in your friend, make sure you find one and tell them clearly. Everyone wants a genuine praise. Genuine praise NOT flattery.
5. Call just to say, 'Hi'. Often such short conversations make you feel happy and the receivers would return the same to you on another occasion.
Photo by ^riza^
6. Learn to tell stories. Make yourself funny
7. Know the time, know when to stop your conversation. Do not bragg your exploits after calling at 12 midnight.
8. Remember what your friend likes. Relate things. Tell them you remembered because, some related thing happened in the News today.
Photo by Thiru
9. Remember dates. Remember few important dates, like birthdays and anniversaries.[This is for myself]
10. Buy some inexpensive gifts (set a limit of $1 or $2) when you go to another city or country. This makes a huge difference.
Photo by Sukanto Debnath
11. Write small post-it notes for your room-mates or workmates, for no reason.
12. Talk more often. Speak out. Do not be afraid to call people. Only when you make phone calls, you will receive them.
13. Want instant karma? Write a testimonial for your friend in a social network site Orkut, Facebook or MySpace. Do not use the boring adjectives such as caring, sincere, friendly etc. Instead, tell a story on where you met them, some unforgettable trip / incident, what did you think of them, etc.
If you have a blog, write a post about one of your friends. Privacy, an issue? You can still hide personal details and let your friend know you have written a post about them.
14. Connect your friends. If you want to expand your friends network, then take a work colleague to your college party or vice-varsa.
15. Practise a pretty introduction speech for you. Can you tell me in 30 seconds why you are the person everyone would love to hand around with. Make few funny introduction stories. You will win plenty of new friends, this way.
Photo by Jekkyl [saison 2]
16. Develop an interest in everything. You may not need to follow F1 racing, but at least know what are the main stories and key figures involved. Read news, watch telly serials - just to get few hints to start conversations. Be a
17. Ask questions. When your friend is talking, ask questions to get more details. This is one way to let them know that you are really interested in their talk.
18. Open-ended questions work like a charm. Do not ask, 'YES / NO' questions, instead ask people's opinion.
19. Invite your friends for a dinner. Host a dinner at your home, at least a Bring-n-Eat lunch or Dinner.
20. Play a sport. Don't be a couch potato. If you don't know any outdoor activity, at least take up 'Walking".
Photo by stigeredoo
21. Meet people based on common-interests. This is by far the easiest way to make new friends. Book-lovers, photographers, bloggers and what-not, if you share a common interest with a stranger, you can instantly talk about the common interest and you will no longer be a stranger.
22. Promote yourself. This can be practised at a very low intensity, you can share a story how you saved someone's day by being their friend. It is not everyone's cup-of-cake.
23. Be confident, encourage people. If someone tells a problem, encourage them that it will be alright and you are confident that they would overcome.
24. Pray for others. You can thank God for sending good people along your way. Even, if you don't believe in God, you can send some good thoughts.
List of MUST NOT DO's:
Photo by foundphotoslj
25. Do NOT spread gossips or bitch about someone. Initially, people would be interested but, they would loose your credibility.
(If you have heard a good gossip (a promotion or a compliment) about a friend, share that with them and this is a lot better than bad mouthing)
26. Do NOT remind your friends about the days they forgot (birthday or anniversary). [This is for my friends]
27. Do NOT blackmail your friends. Do not threaten saying, 'Do this, only if you are my friend'. NO NO.
28. Do NOT share other's secrets with anyone else. If one of your friend tells a confidential thing for you, do NOT bragg or talk about it others. Respect the trust.
29. Do NOT use the poems and power point shows created by someone (Forwarded Emails) to show your friendship and affection. You know what? They have become obsolete and chances are high that the same email would have been sent by 20 other friends.
Photo by Lil Larkie
30. Do NOT argue. Personally, I found that by winning an argument, only me ego gets satisfied but, I would have hurt the opponent's heart.
31. Do NOT ask personal things. Unless they tell something on their own.
32. Do NOT make fun of your friend in front of strangers. People are sensitive, so, know the limits. Friendly digs can bring pleasure but, if you are making it big, then you are building an army against you.
33. Do NOT share old jokes, worn-out metaphors and cliched expressions. Yes, we know them already where you pulling them from. So, best way to tell a jokes is to make up a story, from your own life. Even, if no one laughs at your story, you can have your punch line as , "I made-up the story, didn't work, looser!'.
34. Do NOT complain.
35. Do NOT try to impress with false information. One day, you will be caught red-handed.
Photo by notsogoodphotography
Related Readings
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Wikihow's How to Make Friends
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Wikihow's How to Win Friends
Have you got any tips to share with us? Why don't you write them in comment section?
6 comments:
that is a fantastic list! if you dont value your friends you will never keep them.
Of all the things you listed, I already knew some of them, but I learned many more. It's a good list. Thank you.
Hey All The Tips are very use full...
actually we all know all above tips , but knowing something and implementing some thing are two different things . We know all the things but we forget. you guys have done a great job to remind all of us....
i want to add one more thing ...
Be your self whatever you are.. !! dont try to change your self for your friends and loving , because they love as you are ...
when we fall in love with some one.. we start changing our self according to him/her to get more close to her ...just remember that persone is with you because of "you" .. if you change your self ... we Know better........ :)
all that stuff fine and dandy...but we all know that! Everyone knows that you keep/make friends if you do that stuff. the hard part is doing it! What you need is ice-breaking tips. most people can KEEP friends, but i speak from experience when i say it's dang hard to make 'em.
hello dear it was supbert tips. but i have still problem
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